Finding Purpose in the Pain

So here we are in October of 2018. As I sit and think of the year I have already had, a lot of different emotions come up. The biggest thing that comes to mind is the feeling of, “this year did not turn out the way it was supposed to”. Have you ever felt that way? Of course as a Christian I am always trusting the paths God leads me down; but what do you do when the path He’s brought you down isn’t what you EVER pictured for your life? What did I do when that happened to me? I let it change me. When life hands you the unexpected, you are forced to unexpectedly redirect your focus and shift your priorities. When you deal with that death, that diagnosis, that broken relationship, that shattered dream, that abuse, that tragedy... it CAN change you for the good if you let it. Then your scars are just a reminder of your strength, where you’ve been, and what God brought you through.

The biggest thing I’ve learned this year, is that God is bigger than I give Him credit for. So often the Jesus of today is astronomically different than the Jesus of the Bible. The Jesus of the Bible was actively seeking love through giving life. Sometimes that meant quite literally giving life, other times it meant speaking truth in love over the people he crossed paths with. We say “God is love”, and yet we use His name to blame and shame people in how they live their life. How contradicting! No wonder so many people don’t know the real Jesus. Jesus dropped truth bombs all the time! However, they were always with the end goal of love, and a life filled with his mercy and grace. Our “wishing well” version of Jesus, is nothing short of a lame joke in comparison to the Jesus that actually walked the earth. The Jesus of today is all too often just this person we talk about, but rarely experience.

What does all that have to do with embracing the struggles, battles, and tragedies we sometimes face? Well... If you don’t actually fully know the real Jesus, then your experience of him and the healing you’ll receive from him, will be limited to what you’ve created him in your mind to be. For example: I believe that God can absolutely 100 % speak through and to us with prophetic visions and dreams. He can answer your prayers in that way. He can speak truth into other peoples lives through you in that way. He can change the course of your life in that way. However, if you don’t believe that to be true, you will likely miss out on that part of who God is. You’re not going to go into a prayer time and experience a vision if you don’t believe that God can do that. It says in the Bible “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” (James‬ ‭1:6-7‬) God will only be as big as the box you put him in. Opening up and accepting this part of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, has allowed me to embrace the real Jesus. Anything that Jesus did when he walked the earth, he can do today in and through us; and the Jesus of the Bible performed miracles.

So this year... I opened up my Jesus box and let him free. I dove into scripture deeper than I ever have. I rested in his presence until I heard him answer. I prayed continually about things I couldn’t let go (1 Thess. 5:17). Why? Because I had a rough year. Because even on my BEST days as a mom, I’m still a hot mess. Because my son was diagnosed with ADHD and I don’t know what I’m doing. Because for the first time in my life I considered needing therapy. Because I had to say goodbye to family members that are actually still living. Because I had to learn how to forgive someone that wasn’t sorry. Because 2018 brought out the best and the worse in me all at the same time and it was overwhelming. So why not call upon the REAL Jesus? Not the one that I have prayed to out of obligation; the one seated on the throne in heaven. The one who performs miracles. All the miracles Jesus performed in the Bible started with some sort of tragedy, death, or conflict; so why can’t that be true of my life? It can. With Jesus. Only a life with the REAL Jesus can make something beautiful and victorious out of pain and sadness.

Sometimes things have to “shatter” in life, so they can be put back together and made into something completely new. Sometimes God makes you go back a few steps, because He’s getting ready to launch you forward into something better. Sometimes the trials we face, are blessings in disguise. So I have decided that I’m thankful for 2018 and all the hardships it has brought me. Why did I write this blog in October and not in December when the year is officially over, or in January at the beginning of 2019? Because I decided that I’m not walking out of 2018 broken and defeated. I’m walking out stronger and changed. The first 9 months of my year don’t represent or define the last 3 months. They represent that hope is on the way. The devil must think he can knock me down. Well BRING IT, because “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.” (Genesis‬ ‭50:20‬)‭ All these disappointments are the seeds being planted for the flowers of my destiny. The devil thought he was just throwing me and my family in the dirt; when actually God is growing a beautiful garden.