I’m an extrovert. Yup. Look up the definition of an extrovert and it’s me. Extrovert: “Someone who recharges their energy from being around people. Doesn't mind being alone, but prefers the company of others as it makes them excited. Doesn't mean that they are good with people or happy all of the time, but that other people's company is important to them. An outgoing, overtly expressive person.” That’s me! I’m learning though that not all extroverts are necessarily “outgoing”. In fact I know many that aren’t! It’s a stereotype definitely; however it’s one that I also fall into. I am an all around fits even the stereotype extrovert!
Anyone who knows me knows that along with my extroverted nature, you also get lots of talking : ) I pride myself in the fact that I can carry a good conversation, but I’m also aware that with every strength can come a weakness within it. I have had to learn throughout my life how to listen better. As an adult I have definitely come far in that area! Throughout my college years and young adult life, God has placed people in my life that have shown me how to do that better. One being my amazing husband! It’s no surprise that being married to me must exercise ones ability to listen well haha.... but I can honestly say that Nate has been a patient, gentle, kind soul who listens deeply since the day I met him! We certainly do compliment one another well when it comes to our abilities to listen and communicate well. I can honestly say though, that although I am still not perfect, I have grown in my ability to listen well.
Part of learning how to be a better listener when you are someone who enjoys talking as much as me, is knowing when to “tone it down”. Self control I guess you could say. Someone like me can at times “word vomit” at you in a matter of minutes before you even realize haha. It’s great to be a person who is transparent and honest, but I also know that at times these sorts of people can come off as aggressive and unable to hear other people’s stories. That is so far from who I want to be though! So for the last year or so I have been working on a healthier balance in being my outgoing opinionated self, and someone who is and comes across as a good listener. This has been a great journey for me! God has definitely given me strength and wisdom in this area. However.... we have an enemy who doesn’t want us to succeed or be who we are.
Although I know that as an imperfect human being that there are places I need to grow or change, I also know that I am who I am! I love being extroverted, talkative, outgoing, energetic, and passionate about my feelings. Those things aren’t bad. My journey has been about learning how to embrace those things in a healthy way, so I can continue to thrive in who God calls me to be in every relationship that I’m in. The devil though? He just wants to silence me. 2018 has taught me a lot. It has been quite the year already. I have learned that the devils biggest plan in tearing me down is taking things that I already know I’m weak in, and twisting them and intertwining them with lies. God is trying to give me a voice that speaks TRUTH in a loving Christ centered way, and the devil is trying to simply just take my voice away. The lies of the enemy say: “you need to calm down.. you’re too much for people.. you’re annoying.. you talk too much.. STOP TALKING.. BE QUIET”. I have certainly been through many seasons in my life where I have embraced these things as truth as a way to try and “better myself”; but it only results in a misguided self identity and unhealthy insecurities. Christ says “be who you are, but press into ME and I will guide you.” The point is never to change who you are. The point is to be the best VERSION of yourself. To be a version of something means to first and foremost fully embrace the thing in which you are striving to be in the first place; which in this scenario is yourself. Me. I have to be me, but the BEST and HEALTHIEST me. Not a different me.
I realized that these lies from the devil have in some ways sunk deep within me, when at the beginning of 2018 God spoke LOUDLY to me in regards to something I had prayed about. I am a Christian who has heard God and seen God move in my life before.. but this? This was different. I had a vision. Yup. I asked God straight up to tell me the truth in something that had been hanging over much of our family for YEARS. Gods answer was an incredible mystical spiritual experience. BUT... one of my first responses to this miraculous answer to prayer was “umm ok. Now what?” Like as if God wanted me to keep this to myself!!!!!! To be honest, it was just hard to believe, but even once I fully believed it myself I still hesitated to “shout it out” so to speak. This was about to require some pretty hard core speaking out. Something I’m good at right? Yes, except the devil had his ways as well. I was burdened by this knowledge. Why me? Don’t I talk and say and disrupt peoples days enough? Will people believe me? Will I be taken seriously? Do I even take myself seriously right now? All the lies that the enemy has told me as a way to silence me came flooding back as if they never left me. It’s been 4 months of an inner battle.
I can confidently say though, that I did NOT let the devil win! He did NOT silence me or further silence other people involved in the situation. I may never know the answer to that question “why me?” But I can stand strong in the fact that no matter what the reason, within it all God took me down a path of speaking out truth at a time that my words meant everything. Why? Because they weren’t MY words. I was just the tool used by God. What that reminded me is that I have a voice. God is calling me to have a voice that DOES NOT stay silent for the things of Christ. I am a strong confident woman with a voice. I may not be perfect, but I don’t have to be. We are all as believers capable of being effected by the devils lies OR hearing the voice of God. What we also have to be capable of is “going to battle” for the right voice to win. The fighter in me has come to the surface this year. It had to. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t already had a “willingness to always be heard” inside of me. You know... the outgoing, extroverted, talkative, passionate, opinionated side : ) I have learned however, what it looks like when GOD is that voice within. I let Him do all the talking; and what happened when I did that was.. well.. miraculous.
It’s still a journey. Life is a journey I believe. My journey of learning and growing into the woman God has called me to be? The journey in learning how to be my passionate extroverted self for Christ and not myself? The journey of seeking the truth in the situation that I stumbled upon in 2018? Not over. Those journeys aren’t over.
Hey devil...
I have a voice. And I’m not afraid to use it.
