Families Helping Families

November 1st I got a call from the Safe Families social worker with our first child placement. It was in that moment that it became real to me. Prior to that moment it was nothing more than a “someday soon” in my mind. Now it was real. He had a name and a story - One that I was about to become a part of. It was a 4 year old boy with a mom who needed respite. I was both excited and nervous thinking about the reality of a child I didn’t know living with us for any amount of time. Even though we went through the training, in many ways we still had no idea what to expect. If I’m being honest.. although I knew that this was something that God was calling us into, I still had a million reasons in my mind as to why we shouldn’t do it. What if the family needs more than a month time, resulting in the child going into foster care? What if I get attached to the child? What if our kids and the child don’t get along? What if the child comes with inappropriate behaviors that my kids have never been exposed to? You name it and I’ve thought of it. Stepping into the will of God doesn’t always mean that it won’t be hard. The journey however will be amazing if you let it. Even when scary, the safest place to be is in the center of God’s will. It will change you if you let it.

November 6th the little boy came into our home. With many unknowns and no prior experience in this sort of situation, we went all in and embraced this little boy as our own. For a first hosting it went amazing! Through Safe Families we ended up having him a few times, but for only a few days both times. Since then I have kept in contact with the mom and have even gotten together with them several times! That’s the incredible thing about Safe Families. They encourage you to have a relationship with the parent after the hosting, which actually happened to be exactly what this family needed. God definitely was on the move by connecting our two families! All the things I was worried about God took care of. It was a great way to start our Safe Families journey! We do know however, that not every situation we walk into will look exactly like this one. They will each have their own struggles and joys. We know that God has a plan, and we are ready to be a part of it!

There are many things in life that we claim to know or understand, but don’t actually fully grasp until we experience it or see it first hand. One of those things for me is understanding that some people are actually alone. I knew that was true but I didn’t really understand how it was possible. This is why: I have at least 10 people in my life that I could call right now if I was in some sort of crisis. Out of those people there are definitely 5 or 6 that would probably drop what they were doing to help me even if it inconvenienced them. They are healthy safe people, friends and family, that would take my kids if necessary and bring them to their home. This is not the same scenario though for so many unfortunately. I see that in Safe Families, and I saw that in this family we met through our first hosting. It was hard to swallow, and is still hard for me to cope with emotionally. Many of us don’t have family near by, or we have family we are estranged to. Maybe that’s you reading this. Imagine if on top of that though, you also had no friends that you could count on. No good healthy consistent support of any kind that you could count on ever. That’s the story of so many that find themselves connected to Safe Families. Did you know that a high percentage of people who end up placing their kids for adoption or having them put into foster care are people who are alone? They may face homelessness and they have no one to take them or their child in while they look for a job, so they put their baby up for adoption. Or they are a parent struggling with mental illness, the father is unsupportive, and they have no other support. They end up neglecting their child so the state comes in and takes them away. Mistakes and addictions can be a part of their stories absolutely, but doesn’t everyone deserve to have support and the opportunity to get help? The answer is yes. Many peoples lives and situations would look different had someone stepped in and said “let me help you.” These days we spend far too much time being “the judge” and not enough time being the hands and feet of Christ. We spend more time talking about how messed up the world is but not enough time thinking about how we can better it ourselves. We spend more time giving people unwanted impractical advice than we do actually listening to people and just being there for them. We spend more time connecting with people on social media and not enough time making real life connections with people who need our help and support. The reality of the isolation some people experience has really been revealed to me. Safe Families brings people from isolation into community. To do that though, we need to start making our circles a little bigger.

Since I was a little girl it was no secret that it was unintentionally my life mission to help people. My mom will tell you that even at the age of like 10 I was constantly bumping into people who had some sort of problem. These things would keep me up at night. I’d be laying in bed thinking about how I could help them or how I could give them the perfect advice. This has continued into adulthood, but I have too many times been taken advantage of while trying to help. I’ve learned the hard way that enabling someone isn’t helping them. Without the right kind of support or resources on our side, we can end up doing more damage than good in people’s lives. That’s why Safe Families is the perfect organization for me! Through them I am able to be a part of the reconciliation and growth that I live for seeing in people’s lives.

With every passion or calling however, there is a possibility for weakness and the opportunity for the enemy to step in. Our biggest strengths can also be our biggest weaknesses if we aren’t careful. This is all too true for me. Many things I have been feeling are simply my heart breaking for the things that break the heart of Christ - But some are lies from the enemy to overwhelm and frustrate me. We have already had to decline two child placements and it has shattered me. I have beaten myself up over having to say no. The reality of me not being able to help every family that I become aware of is very hard for me to deal with. You can turn on the news and know that there are broken people in the world... But to have a social worker call you up and give you the details of a persons life and situation is completely different. That’s when big time trusting God has to come in for me. I have to trust that God will open up the opportunity for someone else to help them. Saying no and not knowing how their story will end is close to devastating for me. God is working through that in me though, and I’m learning to focus more on who I CAN help rather than obsessing over who I can’t. That inner dialogue hasn’t been easy though...

I have seen in me an unhealthy need to be the hero in every story. Just the other day I was imagining my life with no responsibilities or kids of my own even, and thinking about how I could then have the freedom to help as many kids as I want. I could still have a mini van, except I could fill it with 5 or 6 kids that need me to take them in. Isn’t that crazy? I love my kids! However, there are times that I feel like having my own kids was selfish when there’s so many kids in the world that already exist that either need to be adopted or could use support of some kind. Why bring more kids into an already broken world filled with kids who need safer homes? If you’re reading this don’t worry, God shut that down right away! He assured me that He’s placed a calling on us to be a FAMILY that helps families. I don’t have to feel guilty because I know that my own kids are being raised and taught to be the hands and feet of Christ by helping those in need. Then they will hopefully become adults who live that out. Exposing my own kids to this sort of thing has already been a blessing, and will continue shaping them into the type of adults that the world needs more of.

It’s not everyone’s calling to do this sort of thing, but we can all have a role. Even in the story of the Good Samaritan, he didn’t take the man to his own home to live and sleep. It says in the Bible “He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.” Sometimes we think we have to do these extravagant gestures to help people when maybe they just need to be connected with someone who can practically help, driven to the nearest shelter, or just told they matter. Last night I was talking to the Safe Families social worker and we were discussing the burden it can be at times when you know of so many stories of people in need. She told me about a situation of a women with three kids who was homeless. She had been in and out staying at a shelter. She was provided a few nights stay at an inn somewhere, but her time there was up. She had contacted the shelter she was staying at with a phone that was almost dying, to tell them that she had no where to go. She a had car but no gas and no money. They contacted Safe Families and informed them of her situation so they could find a family that could take her in for a few days at least. They told the social worker that they would call her back when they were able to locate the women, but she never heard back from them. I can’t begin to understand the depth of why anyone let alone a mother with three kids, would find themselves in such a desperate situation. With that being said, my next question is this: Where were all the Good Samaritans??? Why do we live in a world where people can find themselves so completely alone like that? I can’t fully dissect or know the answers to those questions, but they are deep in my heart of things I wrestle with. The homeless mother was not local to us, but I told Nate I kid you not, “I would go pick her and her three kids up right now and they could sleep in our finished basement for a couple nights until they find a host family that is better equipped to help them longer term.” Nate’s heart is the same. Is someone like her just a victim to poor choices and unfortunate circumstances? With not a single person to help her? Like the man in the story of the Good Samaritan, was she just “passed by” and ignored? We will never know. I can only pray that God provided her and her children with their “Good Samaritan”. Everyone deserves that.

The last few days while writing this very blog I couldn’t stop thinking about the verse Matthew 9:37 - “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.” Then I went to a service at my church and the pastor used that very verse in a message. I know that God was speaking to me through that. He was telling me He hears me, and that I have to share my heart on all this. The truth is, we can name and claim many problems but never actually be productive in finding solutions. Find the places in your life where “the harvest is plentiful” and seek God in how you can help. We aren’t all called to the same things. This is just my part of the story.

In the last month or so, very often I have this image. I am walking into heaven being greeted by people who I never would have met had I not stepped out into the calling God has on my life - the calling to help restore broken families. These are people with stories that were broken, but God stepped in. We are all rejoicing, laughing, hugging, and praising the King. I look forward to that day. In the meantime, I want to live a life marked by a radical grace and faith in Christ - A life where my story constantly intertwines with the stories of the least likely. I will take part in MY harvest, and pray for more workers. I will boast not in myself. This is because of Christ in me.

To God be all the glory.